The three words that basically describe how my life changed in the last three months.
Hello everyone! Wassup? I’ve been planning to post here for so long, but yeah. I didn’t.
Its very safe to say that my mind has been too confusing the last couple of months. My grades went down in the Finals, I got depressed, it led me to think I am useless. Which I most definitely am, there’s no doubt about that. That was the point from where I started thinking that I definitely do not deserve my family. They do so much for me, yet here I am, procrastinating my Maths homework. Bad girl.
I got more and more into BTS, and now even imagining them smiling motivates me to get up out of my bed every single day. There isn’t a day I don’t thank the universe for making me exist the same time as these beautiful people. They mean so much to me, I don’t think I have ever loved anyone as much as I do them. Or I ever will, for that matter. I could go ranting and get myself emotional again, but I’ll just leave that here.
So. The vacations. We literally didn’t go anywhere. I had tons of homework, which I piled up until the last week, and everything just fell apart for me. Nothing made sense. When I sat down to do work with my books in front of me, my mind would go fuzzy and I would want to die. Basically, nothing was going good. The only thing keeping me from doing anything irreparable was my music, which my parents were absolutely furious at. I don’t get it. Why would anyone get upset over something that never fails to make me smile? Why would anybody want to take that away from me? I don’t know, and I am just tired.
School started, and this year is gonna be really tough. I just know. Its our last year in this school, and the teachers are ensuring that we won’t ever forget it by torturing us.
I have been getting lesser and lesser sleep, and its really getting on my nerves, quite literally, because I’ve been having headaches the whole week. Its horrible, I basically dozed off in Physics the other day, and the teacher asked me some formulae, and I couldn’t answer because all I could think of was how heavy my head was feeling, how everyone’s eyes were on me, how I was trembling, and how tears had gathered up in my eyes. I was successful in blinking them away though, but my mouth kept curling upside down and I knew the whole class was waiting to see if I would burst into tears. It was horrible.
I’m aware this is getting boring, but that’s my horrid life. I’m just gonna try to get through it, and I hope nobody will know about these feelings, or they will hate me more for being a ‘drama queen’.
So yeah. I hope to be posting my letters to BTS in a couple of days in honor of their fourth anniversary. I don’t have anything planned yet, but maybe I’ll post a little something else too! I’m going to start reading The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins now, the synopsis looks really thrilling, I’m exciteddd!!!
Till then, annyeong!
P.S. Y’all can talk to me whenever you want, okay? Just hit me up @ email@example.com I will try to reply asap.